At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to stick my p in your. b.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
