i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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