Don't you send me to vm
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
