is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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