Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
