You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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