It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
