There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize