he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
