Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
