I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
