i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
