I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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