what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
