evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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