Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
