i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize