margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
