If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
