Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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