I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
