im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
