And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
