I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
