The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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