My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
