Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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