A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
