I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
