I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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