That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
