Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
