I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
