the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
