It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
