I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
