And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
