Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize