I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
