life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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