Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
