It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
