so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
