Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
