I can text with my tongue
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
