Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
