i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
