toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
