Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we're so committed to being not committed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
