I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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