they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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