I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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