I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
