between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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