The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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