i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
