sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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