Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
