I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
