Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
