I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
