my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
