matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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