did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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