Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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