i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
