I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
