And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
