my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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