We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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