i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
