martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
