Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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