I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
