i may or may not be watching the land before time
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
