i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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