biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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