Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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