I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
