If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
