You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it wasn't lemon gatorade
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
