Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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