Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I fill condoms, not promises.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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