Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize