ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
