dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
