Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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