ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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