yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
