If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
