kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
