I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
