Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
