He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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