am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
