honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
