Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
