I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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